In Between: Lessons in Transition

In between my last blog and this one, a family member's numerous medical conditions worsened, she entered hospice, and on May lst she made her transition and we celebrated her life the following weekend. Her passage and our family's adaptation and adjustment offered renewed and deepened insights into managing transitions.
1. There is only one way out---through it.
I read that phrase many years ago from a source I no longer recall. Business tasks beckoned, people were waiting return phone calls and deadlines needed to be met, but there was no hurrying time. Time moved in slow motion. A task that might have taken a hour, took four. Mental space outs over populated my day.
Transition, the psychological and spiritual adaptation to change, offers a slowing down to assilmilate and move through all the in between steps from resistance to acceptance and ultimately to adaptation. Avoid fighting it. Surrender and discover.
2. It rarely looks like we think it will.
One day she said, "You know you think about your 'demise' your whole life and when it gets here, you think, I don't know about all this." I wonder if our transitions in work or in our personal lives are very individual and while stages are predictable, when we're in the middle of them, rarely do they look like we thought.
Having patience and compassion with your family's, friend's, team mate's and your own pace is needed. Rarely does the change look like what you imagined and rarely are you fully prepared.
2. Spiritual Ahas show up in many ways.
Jim I'll call him, a family friend, had a "spiritual" experience when his mother transitioned. She had not been lucid, but right before passing opened her eyes fully present and looked around at everyone and then passed away.
A family friend upon witnessing our family member's passing related, "It wasn't the spiritual experience others tell you about. My only insight was there was nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing. I can't explain all that I mean, but there was nothing to do."
I wonder if he did indeed experience something spiritual. Understanding that we are not really in control is a huge awareness for those of us, including myself, who cope by "doing", making things happen and fixing things. Whether the transition is a personal one or those of lay offs, new procedures or process changes, often we can do nothing to change the way things are. Resistance is a choice, but resistance won't change the reality. Our only control is conscious choice of our attitude about it.
Insights, holographic awarenesses, often defy explanation, but "in the moment" we "get" it because we are ready to be mindful to it. In transitions we take the time to notice the in between layers, pray to make sense of it all and in exchange our awareness is often heightened to deeper truths.
Remain open and present-- Expect AHAS to show up in unexpected ways. They are life's "Gift Exchange"!
3. Sunshine and fresh air renew the spirit.
Near the end, my family member wanted to get out of her single room in hospice. Tucked in a a wheel chair with tubes and chords, she was able to go outside. Fresh air and the sunshine of a spring-into-summer day warmed, soothed her and uplifted her spirits.
Do not confuse simplicity with lack of significance. Basics usually work.
4. It's only extra.
Some time ago pieces of furniture and clothes had been moved from our family member's home into an independent living facility. Before her transition, we asked what was to be done with the furniture. She said, "It doesn't matter, it's only extra."
Transitioning has a way of reminding us to lighten our load which can mean our opionions, prejudices, ideas, grudges as well as our material possessions. Travel can be faster and less stressful if we have less stuff!
5. Before you make peace, sometimes you must face war.
Often there is unfinished business in relationships between family, friends and team members. We struggle to reach out and make amends. Frequently courage is needed to face the "war within", the conflict within us, around us and between us before we have a chance at making peace.
6. Facing "life" is also facing "death".
I am the oldest of four siblings. My family member's passing awakened the knowledge of my body's immortality and I became aware of the passing of my own life. Not falling asleep on the preciousness of what can be done with the gifts of time and talent is essential to moving off procrastination's "dead" center and acting on projects put "on hold" for "someday".
R E P L E N I S H
When our focus is our "to do" list, we lose sight of the wholeness of life and meaning gets put aside in the doing. Facing transitions in work and in life stimulates a larger 36,000 foot view which helps us integrate and make the most of life's 'In between" times". Perhaps that's why people say it is not the big things that become important, but the small moments that bring joy!
In between here to there on your way to the next step in your life and career, celebrate the small stuff as you go!