In Between: Lessons in Transition

In between my last blog and this one, a family member's numerous medical conditions worsened, she entered hospice, and on May lst she made her transition and we celebrated her life the following weekend. Her passage and our family's adaptation and adjustment offered renewed and deepened insights into managing transitions.
1. There is only one way out---through it.
I read that phrase many years ago from a source I no longer recall. Business tasks beckoned, people were waiting return phone calls and deadlines needed to be met, but there was no hurrying time. Time moved in slow motion. A task that might have taken a hour, took four. Mental space outs over populated my day.
Transition, the psychological and spiritual adaptation to change, offers a slowing down to assilmilate and move through all the in between steps from resistance to acceptance and ultimately to adaptation. Avoid fighting it. Surrender and discover.
2. It rarely looks like we think it will.
One day she said, "You know you think about your 'demise' your whole life and when it gets here, you think, I don't know about all this." I wonder if our transitions in work or in our personal lives are very individual and while stages are predictable, when we're in the middle of them, rarely do they look like we thought.
Having patience and compassion with your family's, friend's, team mate's and your own pace is needed. Rarely does the change look like what you imagined and rarely are you fully prepared.
2. Spiritual Ahas show up in many ways.
Jim I'll call him, a family friend, had a "spiritual" experience when his mother transitioned. She had not been lucid, but right before passing opened her eyes fully present and looked around at everyone and then passed away.
A family friend upon witnessing our family member's passing related, "It wasn't the spiritual experience others tell you about. My only insight was there was nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing. I can't explain all that I mean, but there was nothing to do."
I wonder if he did indeed experience something spiritual. Understanding that we are not really in control is a huge awareness for those of us, including myself, who cope by "doing", making things happen and fixing things. Whether the transition is a personal one or those of lay offs, new procedures or process changes, often we can do nothing to change the way things are. Resistance is a choice, but resistance won't change the reality. Our only control is conscious choice of our attitude about it.
Insights, holographic awarenesses, often defy explanation, but "in the moment" we "get" it because we are ready to be mindful to it. In transitions we take the time to notice the in between layers, pray to make sense of it all and in exchange our awareness is often heightened to deeper truths.
Remain open and present-- Expect AHAS to show up in unexpected ways. They are life's "Gift Exchange"!
3. Sunshine and fresh air renew the spirit.
Near the end, my family member wanted to get out of her single room in hospice. Tucked in a a wheel chair with tubes and chords, she was able to go outside. Fresh air and the sunshine of a spring-into-summer day warmed, soothed her and uplifted her spirits.
Do not confuse simplicity with lack of significance. Basics usually work.
4. It's only extra.
Some time ago pieces of furniture and clothes had been moved from our family member's home into an independent living facility. Before her transition, we asked what was to be done with the furniture. She said, "It doesn't matter, it's only extra."
Transitioning has a way of reminding us to lighten our load which can mean our opionions, prejudices, ideas, grudges as well as our material possessions. Travel can be faster and less stressful if we have less stuff!
5. Before you make peace, sometimes you must face war.
Often there is unfinished business in relationships between family, friends and team members. We struggle to reach out and make amends. Frequently courage is needed to face the "war within", the conflict within us, around us and between us before we have a chance at making peace.
6. Facing "life" is also facing "death".
I am the oldest of four siblings. My family member's passing awakened the knowledge of my body's immortality and I became aware of the passing of my own life. Not falling asleep on the preciousness of what can be done with the gifts of time and talent is essential to moving off procrastination's "dead" center and acting on projects put "on hold" for "someday".
R E P L E N I S H
When our focus is our "to do" list, we lose sight of the wholeness of life and meaning gets put aside in the doing. Facing transitions in work and in life stimulates a larger 36,000 foot view which helps us integrate and make the most of life's 'In between" times". Perhaps that's why people say it is not the big things that become important, but the small moments that bring joy!
In between here to there on your way to the next step in your life and career, celebrate the small stuff as you go!

Service Strategy: Dignity and Empathy Before Direction

Much like toddlers who hear something like 320 "no's" per day, our customers hear more "nos" than they should. Challenged with duties of enforcing policy we are tempted to lead with the negative, "NO, You can't do that..." You can't take that book out because your fines are too high." "We can't give you a refund without a receipt." "We can't complete the project in your timeframe." No, no, no, no and NO!

The word "no" sets a chain reaction within the customer. The sound, akin to finger nails on a blackboard causes hairs on the neck to stand up straight, the stomach to tighten and and an Inner Rebel to emerge ready to do battle with you--a toddler temper tantrum!

Try this---Lead with dignity and empathy before direction.
1. Affirm what you CAN DO versus what you CAN'T DO.

"We can offer you an in store credit card for merchandise."
"We can complete the project in three weeks just one week short of what you want." This strategy demonstrates empathy as it aligns with the customer's preference to be treated in a positive manner.

2. Lead with the NEED of the customer. This shows you not only hear what they want but understand it. This technique requires that you really listen to what they want before you insist on what you want.

Say "We'd be happy to check out your book when the fines are below $10.00." to the person who fine is too high.
Try " We know you'd like to spend more time visiting your family member. Our doors open at 6 a.m.and we'll be happy to see you then." to the person who is lingering after visiting hours.

Assert " We know your call is important that's why we've arranged a call-out area. Here let me show you." to a person who wants to use their cell phone in an unauthorized area.

3. Preserve your customer's dignity by letting them save face.
Use the language of supposition to give your customer an out.

To the person who wants "just ten more minutes" on the computer try this--
"Perhaps you were unaware that we allow customers 30-minute intervals on the computer to give everyone a chance. You can use the computer to complete your project (lead with their need) as soon as you sign up for another session."

Other phrases that suppose something vs. insists on it are:

"Maybe no one informed you that our normal process is..."

"Perhaps you based your opinion on previous information..."

"What if this were an option?"

Make patrons your partners by preserving dignity and demonstrating empathy before you insist on direction.

AIM

Webinar in Review

In February approximately eighty professionals gathered with me for an hour’s focus on the topic of AIM: Preparing for Success in 2010. This program is one in a series of four webinars designed to “Shape the INFLUENCE of Leadership” through four pathways:
AIM, ADAPT, ALIGN AND ADVOCATE.

The ten tools offered in AIM builds a foundation for leader influence. In turbulent times, a leader is like a lighthouse. People look to the light to lead their way. Leaders clarifying their direction and vision turn on their brights: increase their ability to help others focus and inspire initiative.

Five steps aimed towards Preparing for Success in 2010: (1) Complete the Past (2) Clarify Purpose and Vision (3) Set Goals (4) Visualize and Affirm (5) Celebrate Successes

1. Complete the Past
We have only so many Attention Units. (Hard to imagine in a multi-tasking world!) This section asked us to complete the unfinished, cluttered, confused and irrelevant to release “stuck” and unleash “flow”. With each completion, we gain attention capacity.

2. Clarify Purpose and Vision
A mere 10% of participants had a written purpose statement and yet we agreed that identifying purpose brings us back to what’s meaningful so that at the end of the day, we tend to our soul as well as our achievements. As leaders we must inspire through vision—hold up the higher view. Too often we get caked in the muck of the details, become apathetic and overwhelmed and forget where we’re really headed. One vision tool inspired us to identify what kind of leader we needed to be and one offered information on creating a shared vision.

3. Set Goals
66% of our participants had written goals. We used the SMART goal setting system—ensuring that our goals were specific, measurable, realistic and timely. One key element was to create the vision first, borrow from the future so to speak and then write goals as a beam to achieve them.

4. Visualize and Affirm
We explored a “no paper” way to make our vision visible. A key learning; we move in the direction of the pictures we hold in our mind. An internal tension is created when there’s a difference between our now picture and our future picture. Our mind/body seeks to lessen the tension by aligning our world to the picture that is the clearest.

5. Celebrate Successes
We are an achievement-oriented, urgent-focused group. We want it now and we want it fast. Too often we wait until we’ve completed something before we celebrate. Celebrating small steps as we go creates momentum for keeping UP and keeping ON!

Step Up to Move Forward

Did you know that if you work too long on tasks the time it takes to solve problems can increase as much as 500%. Sources: Donald Norfolk, M.D., (U.K.) Executive Stress, and Etienne Grandjean, M.D., Swiss Polytechnic Institute.
That's pretty amazing!

We can prove that to ourselves when we've been working with piece of paper, put it down to answer the phone and afterward the call, are unable to find it. We're sure a leprechaun snatched it up. We throw up your hands and get a drink of water. Upon return, poof! The paper is there and we're darn sure that if it could laugh, it is laughing at us!

What is also amazing is that we often stand in the way of our own good to quote my friend Linda Mihalic. The same perseverance that pushes us to achieve is the same quality that overused does us in. The result--"The Zone" and I'm not speaking about the diet. We zone. We shut down, turn off and the light within us gets dim. We shuffle papers, re-read a paragraph for the sixth time and still don't comprehend it. We know we should call a client but frankly we just don't feel up to it.

I experience"The Zone". My friends and colleagues tell me they do and I'll bet you have once or twice as well. Research tells us 10%-15% of time is wasted in organizations due to mental space outs! (E. Granjean, M. Moore-Ede, et alI) I guess A LOT of people do!

So why do we not take the "time in" ? I think we convince ourselves we cannot "afford" the time. Our lives are taking shape "out there" we think. Shouldn't we be there with it? We imagine if we're not "doing" something, we're doing nothing at all.

Fact is, our lives really begin to take shape "in here" within the quiet well within us and "up there" in Universal Realms above us. Do we know this? Yes. Do we give ourselves permission ENOUGH to surrender to this wisdom--to take a step up to move forward? Not often enough.

Illumination * Intuition * Inspiration need "active listening"--that is participating and being in rapport with that which can birth it and nourish it. How do we do that? Dr. Edna Lister, internal lecturer and teacher, offers two ways.

Adopt the language of "Letting" to unleash the "creative spark" and calm within us.

When you feel yourself tightening up, surrender to a quiet moment. Become mind-full. Some folks in my programs have found this exercise helpful in experiencing the concept of "letting". Tighten your hands into fists and then simply unfold them into open palm positions. Do this with an attitude of "letting". Repeat several times until you experience tension unwinding. "Let" signals openness, receptivity and trust in Universal Flow.

Add a positive dialogue with the Universe and yourself in your mind or out loud. "Let" this thing I'm worried about work out as it needs to. "Let" my anxiety dissipate. "Let" me get out of my way to make way for wisdom greater than mine. Let, let, let! After you've experienced this unfolding accompanied by "LET", you can visualize the words and the actions when completing the exercise is not appropriate. Just two minutes of quiet every half an hour will do amazing things to recover energy and focus.

You can strength your ability to access inspiration and intuition through Dr. Lister's technique "The Silence". Sit with your spine straight, but not stiff. Raise your arms above your waist until your palms are ear height. Turn your palms inward toward yourself. This stimulates your heart, throat and crown energy centers and forms an inverted "V", cup-like. Breathe in from the crown down and let your cup be filled with light. "Let"-- receive and align.

Five minutes a day can do much to quiet the noise and stop the static so you can see the pattern and connections inherent in the input we receive daily. This allows synthesization which sharpens decision making, creativity, thinking on your feet and inner quality.

R e p l e n i s h

Step back, go up and become an active listener with the Universe and your inner well then move forward recharged and realigned.