The Value of Caring at Work

Valentine's Day 2011

When I was young, Valentine’s Day used to mean cards tucked in mailboxes which asked, “Will you be mine”? In my teens, love notes were written during study hall complete with heart-shaped dotted “I’s and “I will love you forever”, words holding meaning beyond our comprehension.

When I think about Valentine messages today, I think about expressing sincere, caring that brings meaning to relationships and inspires a greater vision of what could be.

On this Valentine’s Day 2011, consider four leaders’ insights on the value of love and caring at work .

David Whyte, internationally known author of The Heart Aroused, inspires people with his poetry and brings his inspirational message to people in organizations throughout the world. He professes it's about loaves and fishes.

Loaves and Fishes
This is not the age of information.
This is not the age of information.
Forget the news,and the radio,and the blurred screen.
This is the time of loaves and fishes.
People are hungry and one good word is bread for a thousand.
David Whyte, The House of Belonging, Many Rivers Press,1996

As facilitator for Emotional Intelligence workshops and assessments, I became aware of people’s responses to the value of demonstrating empathy/caring and how it plays out in their work and life. Empathy can be “bread” to some because it is our ability to understand and appreciate others’ positions from their point of view.


Emotional Intelligence experts, Dr. Robert Cooper, author, Executive EQ and Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence share these ways to demonstrate empathy to others and yourself. When practiced, folks tell me the messages sound a lot like poetry to them!

When those critical inner voices take over, shift your perspective, act as if you are your best customer and ask if would you be as hard on them?

Honor others’ input. Pause three to five seconds after someone speaks before you begin responding. Give their voice the space it deserves and reflect on what's been said.

Realize people need to feel validated, understood, appreciated and safe. To get beyond what might seem like a rough exterior in protection to not having those needs met, pause and ask, “What would I be feeling if I were in this person’s place”?

Let people know you’re “with them”. Become an empathetic listener. Ask...
Let me say back what I hear you saying.....
Are you saying that....
I'm not sure I fully get what you’re saying, but is
is it like.......?
Is the main point that ......?

James Autry, author of Love and Profit: The Art of Caring Leadership compares people’s need to feel connected with each other and with the human condition as threads that weave throughout workplaces in his poem, Threads.

Threads
Sometimes you just connect,
like that,
no big thing maybe
but something beyond the usual business stuff
It comes and goes quickly
so you have to pay attention,
a change in the eyes
when you ask about the family,
a pain flickering behind the statistics
about a boy and a girl in school,
or about seeing them, every other Sunday.
An older guy talks about his bride,
a little affectation after twenty-five years.
A hot-eyed achiever laughs before you want him to.
Someone tells about his wife's job
or why she quit working to stay home.
An old joker needs another laugh on the way
to retirement.
A woman says she spends a lot of her salary
on an au pair
and a good one is hard to find
but worth it because there's nothing more important
than the baby.
Listen.
In every office you hear the threads
of love and joy and fear and guilt,
the cries for celebration and reassurance,
and somehow you know that connecting those threads
is what you are supposed to do
and business takes care of itself.
James A. Autry. Love and Profit: The Art of Caring Leadership: Avon Books Inc, August 1991

Constant change and its challenges is a common thread in all of our lives. Bob Moawad, President of Edge Learning Institute and author of Whatever it Takes shares the care of ourselves is important to our worth and resiliency. He suggests we...

Be a “good finder” versus a “fault finder”.
Catch others doing something right.
Not waste precious time on guilt over the past or
worry about the future
Remember we move toward and become like the
image we hold uppermost in our minds.

Play it Forward
http://www.centerforinnerquality.com/center_for_inner_quality_products.html

Service Strategy: Dignity and Empathy Before Direction

Much like toddlers who hear something like 320 "no's" per day, our customers hear more "nos" than they should. Challenged with duties of enforcing policy we are tempted to lead with the negative, "NO, You can't do that..." You can't take that book out because your fines are too high." "We can't give you a refund without a receipt." "We can't complete the project in your timeframe." No, no, no, no and NO!

The word "no" sets a chain reaction within the customer. The sound, akin to finger nails on a blackboard causes hairs on the neck to stand up straight, the stomach to tighten and and an Inner Rebel to emerge ready to do battle with you--a toddler temper tantrum!

Try this---Lead with dignity and empathy before direction.
1. Affirm what you CAN DO versus what you CAN'T DO.

"We can offer you an in store credit card for merchandise."
"We can complete the project in three weeks just one week short of what you want." This strategy demonstrates empathy as it aligns with the customer's preference to be treated in a positive manner.

2. Lead with the NEED of the customer. This shows you not only hear what they want but understand it. This technique requires that you really listen to what they want before you insist on what you want.

Say "We'd be happy to check out your book when the fines are below $10.00." to the person who fine is too high.
Try " We know you'd like to spend more time visiting your family member. Our doors open at 6 a.m.and we'll be happy to see you then." to the person who is lingering after visiting hours.

Assert " We know your call is important that's why we've arranged a call-out area. Here let me show you." to a person who wants to use their cell phone in an unauthorized area.

3. Preserve your customer's dignity by letting them save face.
Use the language of supposition to give your customer an out.

To the person who wants "just ten more minutes" on the computer try this--
"Perhaps you were unaware that we allow customers 30-minute intervals on the computer to give everyone a chance. You can use the computer to complete your project (lead with their need) as soon as you sign up for another session."

Other phrases that suppose something vs. insists on it are:

"Maybe no one informed you that our normal process is..."

"Perhaps you based your opinion on previous information..."

"What if this were an option?"

Make patrons your partners by preserving dignity and demonstrating empathy before you insist on direction.